Forsaken
by TeamUnderdog
Summary: I was trapped with a devil of a woman for seventy-six years, traveled as a nomad, with and without friends. I found my soulmate in a diner. I left a vast amount of my story to the imagination. I am Jasper Whitlock Hale, and here is what no one knows.
1. Mommy?

**Hey! Here's the much better version of _I Won't Be Like You._ I got a lot of help from blackPANDA_xD. She helped my plot make much more sense. I really worked on getting into character on this, so it should be better. Please review! They make my heart smile!**

I was hunting that night. Or at least that's what I thought at the time. This was one of the few hunting trips where Maria had not accompanied me. I was secretly glad for that. I needed some peace. It was early, though. That made hunting quite difficult. I looked westward and saw that the sun was almost completely hidden. Good. I wouldn't draw unneeded eyes in my direction.

I roamed the city of Dallas looking for my next victim. I mentally prepared myself for the torment of taking another human life. It affected me more than it did the others. Their pain, their fear, amazement, and their anger was almost too much. In the end, my thirst always won in its need for satiation. In my two years with Maria, she had never looked- or felt, for that matter- at all affected by taking lives. She actually enjoyed it. If Maria were with me, I'd use her apparent enjoyment to dull the sharp, painful emotions of my prey.

I inhaled and smelled a human. I immediately darted over to where the human was, in too much need to care who saw or who the person was. I didn't care. I didn't think. All I knew was that my throat was burning and relief wasn't far away.

I saw the man I had scented just a few seconds before. He was young- mid-twenties to early thirties- and fit. Perfect. I didn't care to play with my food like Maria did. I just needed my thirst satiated. I ran up to the man from behind and sank my teeth into his neck, severing the carotid artery. The terrible burning in the back of my throat was cooled as the sweet human blood ran down my throat. That's when the man's emotions hit me. Pain, shock, fear, anger. The little humanity left in me felt remorse, I put him out of his misery, breaking his neck as I continued to drain him of his life blood.

Once I had made sure he didn't have a drop of blood left in his veins, I disposed of the body. I was still in pain, though not physically. I was deeply affected. The man's pain, shock, anger, and fear- mostly pain and fear- still rang in my head, bringing me down. I stopped by a creek to wash the blood off of my face and hands. I heard footsteps come toward me. They didn't belong to Maria though… My thoughts were cut off as jolts of hope, panic, and excitement hit me, making me spin around to see what the cause was. I turned to face a tall, blonde woman.

"Jasper?" The woman asked, cautiously, yet hopeful. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. She was my mother.

I was about halfway back to where the other newborns and Maria were staying. I recognized Maria's gait coming from behind me and assumed she would be beside me any second now. Instead, I felt her jump me and pin me to the ground.

"Hey, Jasper," she started, curious and a bit suspicious. I only knew the suspicion by my "gift" that I apparently possessed. "What were you running from? An insignificant little human?" She asked tauntingly, scoffing the last part. "You know, you could have just killed her, too. Your eyes are still a little dark…"

"I couldn't kill her," I replied bluntly, not wanting to explain. As she always did, Maria prodded and taunted me. She was so lucky I didn't have a bad temper…

"Why not? Human's mean nothing. Well, they're sustenance, but nothing more. She looked at you like she loved you or something! Gag me! Aw, is Jasper holding on to his human life? Does he care about that woman?" She taunted. I couldn't stop the snarl that forced its way out of my throat. I sprang up, pushing her off of me. I had always been very protective of my family.

"The 'meaningless human' is my mother!" I growled out at Maria, who quickly reminded me that I was lower ranking than her in this world by sending me a threatening glare. Her emotions were pure and undiluted rage, shock, and indignation. If I didn't back down into subordination, she was very willing to severely hurt or destroy me. I was way past my year mark, so she definitely wouldn't think twice.

"Jasper, get back with the other newborns. And that is an order to be carried out now!" The menacing tone in which the words came out stunned me, but I obeyed. That was how this life was, apparently.

I ran back to the other newborns. Yet another fight had broken out. The emotions in the room were chaotic, like testosterone induced belligerence. It was getting to me. I had the urge to attack one of them. Luck was on my side.

A newborn, right at his year mark, lunged at me, snarling like a wild animal. I easily dodged the attack and was behind him in less than half a second. He lunged again, and I easily twisted out of his reach right before he grabbed me. It was too easy. I made my way behind him again, locked my arms around his waist and an involuntary snarl rattled out of my throat. I sank my teeth into the granite-like skin of his neck, jerked, and sent his head flying. I quickly finished him off. The fight didn't last more than a minute.

"That's the second one this week, Jasper!" Maria groaned, frustration rolling off of her as she walked in. I met her crimson eyes. She had hunted.

No human would ever think she would be dangerous. She stood no taller than five feet, three inches. Her crimson eyes didn't even look threatening; they were big, innocent looking. They were framed with long, thick black lashes. She had a heart shaped face framed with thick, glossy midnight black curls that cascaded down beautifully to the middle of her back. She was slender with a perfect hourglass shape.

There was only one thing that marred her perfection. Scars. Her face was free of them, but she had a scattered few on her arms, legs, and neck. I was certain she had more under her clothes, but I had never seen them. She followed me upstairs as I pondered this.

"I know, Maria. Do you want me to just let them slaughter me without a fight?" I asked icily.

"Of course not! They actually operate better with you around… you're definitely worth keeping," she mused, coming closer to me, twisting her hips the slightest bit more than usual, "I can't honestly say I see myself destroying you in the near future. You're so obliging. You are definitely more beneficial than the other newborns. If this continues, I might even move you up in the ranks, to help me with the newborns," she said, almost seductively.

She had moved so close to me that we were almost touching. I searched her emotions. What I found made me step back a little. Pride, and… lust? Was that what she wanted? As a human, I was saving my first time for the woman I married. I didn't get that far in life as a human, but I knew I didn't want it to be with someone I didn't love. And the thought of premarital sex made me feel as if I would be exploiting the woman. My parents had raised me better than that!

"What, major?" She inquired, her voice heavily laced with lust. It was starting to affect me. It's not love, but it's still a feeling. A strong one at that, very hard to ignore.

"What do you want with me, Maria? I know that tone of voice," I said, keeping emotion out of my voice.

"You," she said, burning her eyes into mine. She closed the gap between us, abruptly jerked me down to her level, and kissed me roughly. It wasn't love, but it was still a feeling.


	2. Change

**Hey people. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I've been pretty busy with school lately. I was home sick yesterday and I'm still sick today, but I'm starting to feel better, so I figured I'd numb your mind with this authors note. I'm going to a Boys Like Girls concert tonight, even though I have a 100.6 degree fever. So enjoy the chapter!**

"Jasper, go see where those four newborns went. They're not skilled enough to go out by themselves. The last thing we need is for the Volturi to come over here to wipe us all out," Maria ordered. I had recently proven myself to her that I could be considered a rank above the newborns. This position often meant helping her keep them under control while she deliberated what territory was worth taking. I also helped her train them to fight now. I smiled as I thought of how I went from just another pawn, a liability, to helping her with truly important matters. I thought of my success in the Confederacy. I didn't care for killing, I really didn't like it at all. My "gift" always made killing anyone backfire, but I would do anything for Maria. That was simply the way it was.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, darting off into the young night in the direction the newborns had taken. After about thirty seconds, stabbing fear, pain, awe, anger, and shock hit me in almost painful jolts. The newborns were probably hunting, playing with their food again. If they only knew the hell it gave me…

My thoughts were shattered as a bloodcurdling scream echoed into the night. That night was a typical Dallas night. The sky was perfectly clear, not a star hiding behind a cloud. The moonlight illuminated my skin, casting an almost eerie glow on our kind, though humans were merely drawn to the beauty of it, not thinking of what we could be.

I ran into the house from which the scream came from. I recognized it immediately. It was the house of my former family. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight before me. My mother, father, younger sister, and older brother were being drained of their blood by the four newborns that escaped. The scream I heard was the scream of my closest family member, my mother, Lynn Whitlock.

I couldn't just stand there and watch my family die, but what could I do? I didn't want them to die prematurely, but I didn't want this life of violence for them. I looked at the blood pooling on the wooden floor. My throat felt as if it had burst into flames, and I almost lost control right then and there. I cut off my breathing and made up my mind. I had to save them. Letting your family die in front of you when you know you have a chance at saving them is just wrong, even if you yourself could kill them in the process.

My father looked the weakest now, so I decided to save him first. I lunged at the newborns and chased them well away from the beautiful house that I had once lived in. I ran back to the house with all my speed, worrying that it would be too late to save them. I had just hunted within the last hour. I silently prayed to the God I hoped existed that it would be enough for self control. I approached my father, Matthew Whitlock, by far in the worst condition. I focused not on the sweet scent of human blood almost tangible in the air, but on the lives of the people who I had once, and still did, care deeply for.

"Sorry, Pa," I mumbled in his ear as I bit into the side of his neck, pushing venom into his system while desperately trying not to drain him of the rest of his blood. After a brief struggle with my truly monstrous side, I managed to let go of him, forcing myself not to breathe. I didn't waste any time in getting to my mother, who was barely conscious.

"Ma? Can you hear me?" I asked, propping her up on my lap and meeting her strange colored eyes. They were light blue with chocolate brown around the pupils. It was clear that she was going to lose consciousness any minute now.

"Yeah… That you Jasper?" She inquired weakly, trying and failing to sit up to get a better look at me.

"Yes, Ma. I'm so sorry, but if I don't do this, you're going to die. It's going to burn. I love you. Forgive me," I said softly. As I was about to bite her, she asked another question.

"What the hell are you going to do?" She asked, using all her strength. That was so typical of her. She always had a fiery edge to her normally sweet personality.

"Ma, I don't have time to explain right now. I'm a vampire, I'm changing y'all so you won't die now. I'm sorry, Ma," I summarized succinctly before biting her, again letting the venom get into her system. It was so hard not to drain them of every last drop of blood they had left. I again detached myself. Daniel, my older brother, was conscious and had Anna, my younger sister behind him. Anna didn't look good. She was extremely pale, her eyes glassy, but she was conscious. I flitted over to Anna before Daniel even knew I had moved.

"Anna, look at me. It's Jasper," I said gently, picking her up. Her dark eyes met mine with great difficulty.

"Hmm?" Was all she could managed.

"This is going to hurt, but it will end. Trust me," I said as I bit her. Yet again, I managed not killing her.

"Jasper? What the hell is going on?" Daniel shouted, trying to get Anna away from me.

"Saving them. You all were attacked by vampires and if I didn't bite them they would die," I explained. He wouldn't hear it, though.

"You're insane! You're not a vampire! You don't have fangs!"

"Daniel, vampires don't have fangs. Look at me. My eyes are blood red, my skin is hard, extremely pale, and cold, and my throat is burning so badly I don't think I can stay here much longer. Do you want to join the rest of the family or do you want to live your human life and say everyone's dead?" I asked in a rush. Daniel flicked my arm and his eyes widened in shock. After the shock wore off, all uncertainty disappeared.

"You might as well change me, too," Daniel said after looking around at the members of the family. The venom was really starting to burn them. It pained me to see them like that.

"I'm warning you, it's not fun at all. It burns terribly," I warned, but his mind was made up.

"Shut up and turn me."

I bit him, making sure venom got into him. I heard Ma scream in pain, and I ran over to her.

"Ma, please try not to do that. It was hard enough for me to do that as it is. Shh," I shushed her.

Where did I get this self control? My throat was burning so badly. I was barely able to keep myself from draining the little blood they had left. I pondered, maybe it was only because they're my family.

I had to go before Maria came looking for me. I hoped they would stay unnoticed. I decided I would return tomorrow and check on them. I ran off, stunned that I had successfully changed my family.

I tracked down the newborns and led them back to Maria. They settled down a little after I sent them waves of calm.

"Where were they, Jasper?" Maria asked. She was beautiful. Her glossy black hair fell in waves to her mid-back. Her big, crimson eyes locked with mine. No wonder I would do anything for her. She looked so innocent. She stood about five feet tall and was slender with perfect curves. She seemed much weaker than she actually was. No one in their right mind would think she could manage an army of newborn vampires.

"They were hunting. I found them in someone's house. They were playing with their food again," I explained, acting is if it meant nothing to me. She had no clue of how much it meant to me.


	3. Attacked

**Hey! Yes, finally i write another chapter. I'm sorry i took so long! I've had a ton of schoolwork. Bleh... Happy Thanksgiving! this chapter is a gift from me... to you!!! Yay!!!! OK OK.... I'm alright. i think. i looovvvvvvvvveeeee reviews, so pleeeeeaaasssseee do so!! I'm bored and my grandma is here. too many people in my house.... ugh. So back to the point, thanks sooo much for reading!!!! Much love, peace, and happiness to you!! **

I couldn't get away from Maria long enough to check on my family, and it was killing me. It showed. I was more belligerent than usual. I looked out the window into the velvet sky, sprinkled with pinpoints of light as stars. I focused hard on my blurry human memories. Most of what I remembered was of the battles I had fought in for the Confederacy. I tried to remember farther back. One memory came to me randomly. I looked over at Maria, who was discussing plans with the newborns. I could tell she wouldn't be needing me soon, so I went over the memory. It was as if I had been looking through mud.

"Daniel! Give it back!" Wailed Anna. She was only six, and Ma's attempts at taming her less than feminine personality were futile. I had been about ten at the time. I saw Daniel, at age twelve, run off with her doll. They were at it again. I watched Daniel jump into the apple tree in our front yard. Anna was chasing him, her dress getting in her way and slowing her down.

"Nope!" Daniel laughed, climbing onto the next branch. I shook my head.

"Daniel, karma is goin' to get you. You'd be best off giving Anna her doll back," I yelled from the front porch as Anna was jumping, trying to reach the first branch.

"Yeah, yeah, Jasper! You always say that, but nothing ever hap-" Daniel started, but was cut of by a ripe apple falling and hitting him on the top of his head, "What the-" Daniel yelled looking up, then losing his balance and falling about ten feet to the ground. I heard the thud from the impact, and ran over to see if he was alright. He had probably broken his arm… again.

As I reached him, he sat up. He was rubbing the back of his head, mussing his medium brown hair. He had his blue-with-green eyes clenched shut. The color had drained from his tan face. I could tell he had hit his head pretty hard.

"You alright?" I asked, though I couldn't hide the smirk on my face that said, "I told you so."

"Shut up, wipe that smirk off your face, and help me up. I swear you got some of that Cherokee jinxing whatever-you-call-it in you from Pa!" Daniel grumbled as I helped him up.

"You're bleeding," I said as Daniel walked shakily toward the house. He had scraped his arm on the tree branch.

I tried to remember more after that, but nothing came. The restlessness I had previously felt was coming back. I shifted in the chair I was sitting in. It didn't help any. It had been three days since I had changed my family. I stood up and darted over to Maria, tuning in to what she was saying.

"… So this territory is where we're headed to next. It includes Saltillo. All we need to do is knock the residents out of there and claim it. If Jasper keeps up his successful training, we should be claiming Chihuahua by next month," Maria declared excitedly, looking at me with eyes full of greed. A demonic grin spread across her angelic face. I knew she loved to fight, and my only choice was to assist her in her hell-raising.

"We're making our way northwest," I stated, and it wasn't an inquiry. I knew how Maria would strategize from helping her with her gruesome plans. I cursed silently. I would have a chance of getting back to my family now.

She was seated on a wooden chair at the table, a map of the South spread out. She was quickly moving a pencil over the map, visualizing the route she would take. I walked closer. The newborns parted to let me take my assigned place beside Maria. I leaned over her shoulder, looking at the map. Maria liked where I was a little too much, as I felt lust emanating from her. It annoyed me. I saw the smirk that revealed the emotion. She still didn't know about my ability. I groaned. I despised that she felt that way. I didn't love her, and she didn't reciprocate love, either.

"Yes, we are," Maria smirked. She must have picked up on my hesitation of leaving and said, "What? This will be an easy one, Jasper. The stronger armies are farther south. Or is there another reason that you don't want to leave?" She was taunting again.

"No, ma'am," I said simply, knowing it would be best not to pick a fight with someone higher ranking. She could call on the newborns to help her, which they would be too happy to do. I had my place, and I was best off respecting it.

"Good. Besides, your precious family will be safer with us gone, anyway," she spat, sneering the words "precious family".

"Well, we best get a move on before their army gets stronger. I don't care about humans. They are mere prey and soldiers that need to be selected and changed. Nothing more," I growled indignantly as she stood, looking at me with a smirk on her face.

"I give the orders, not you. I say we stay here and train and hunt for another week, maybe even change another human or two. We need to be strong so we can take Saltillo without many casualties, Major. This isn't a world where you're in charge. This is my world, and you follow me, not vice versa. Understand?" Maria snarled indignantly, rage emanating from her. She locked her feet on the floor, straightened her spine, and burned her angry crimson eyes into mine. How I responded was instantly regretted.

"That doesn't scare me, Maria, and I'm sick and tired of not having a voice!" I growled, glaring back. I sensed that the newborns sensed the tension. I felt their pugnacity spike, though I knew they wouldn't dare act on it. I was right, as they quickly backed up. They knew they were disposable liabilities to Maria, and nothing more.

"Really? Well, maybe when I'm gone you'll have some kind of opinion. But, I'm not going anywhere, and you're rebellion is completely appalling and unacceptable. Do not take advantage of me favoring you, Jasper, because I won't hesitate to destroy you like any other newborn past the year mark," Maria snarled, pure, undiluted rage radiating from her small form. She sank into a crouch, her face contorted into a satanic grimace. I knew I shouldn't have snapped at her like that. She lunged at me, gripping my arm and sinking her razor sharp teeth into it.

I knew better than to jerk away from her, for she would only bite harder and longer. She held the bite, and I felt her venom seeping into it, itching. She held it longer, and the itching turned to stinging, which after a while longer, turned into a searing heat. I clenched me teeth, trying to hide any giveaway of my pain. Pain meant weakness, and this world was too dangerous for weakness. When I didn't react, she bit down harder, and I felt her teeth cut deeper into my arm. I couldn't hide it any longer, it hurt so badly. I jerked away, growling. I was staring to see red, I wanted so badly to rip her throat out, to kill her.

"Now, Major, will you ever give me an attitude again?" Maria asked as innocently as a small child, looking up at me through her lashes.

"No, ma'am," I replied obediently through clenched teeth. I knew it was best that I simmer down and stop the belligerence.

"Good, because I don't want to get rid of you. You just need to trust my judgment and keep to your place. You are, all in all, my favorite," she said, still innocent with no hints of malice.

She smiled sweetly, lowering her eyelids. I couldn't stand looking at her, for I was still trying to get myself under control after her malicious assault. The newborns were still standing in the back of the room, their bright scarlet eyes glued on me, fearing that I would take my rage out on them. Maria pranced toward me, self-pride rolling off of her in waves. Her dark red eyes looked me over, and I quickly composed my face. She stopped less than half of a foot from me, yanked me down to her level, and kissed me. It was actually quite uncomfortable, since there was twelve inches between our heights. I felt jealousy come from several newborns. Maria abruptly pulled away, turned on her heel, and headed toward the newborns, barking orders to the newborns about splitting up into groups to hunt.

I genuinely despised Maria's quickly changing moods. One minute she could be furious, and easy going the next. I could never really figure out why she felt she had to be in control of everything and everyone all the time. Women usually didn't act that way. The only redeeming quality I could find in her was leadership, and barely that. She was just as strategic and analytic as I was. She was also stubborn, which backfired if I knew our army wasn't strong enough, but she still wanted to fight.

"Jasper, there's a change of plans. After we all hunt, we're leaving," Maria announced.

"Yes, ma'am," I said as all thirty newborns ran outside into the dark night without a sound. Maria and I followed them, as their self-control, or lack thereof, wasn't trustworthy.

We roamed the city of Dallas, watching for groups of people on which to prey. I was reluctant to hunt, but I knew once blood lust set in, I wouldn't care. There was no way that we would all satiate our thirst tonight without either being exposed or breaking into people's houses. Shortly, we found a group of five pe- prey. I couldn't bear to think of them as people, for the humanity left in me was always guilty. They were prey, nothing more. I had to tell myself that they had no lives, no morals, values, dreams, or feelings.

"Don't even think about it!" Maria snapped at the newborns, "Jasper and I hunt first."

I felt waves of anticipation, excitement, and joy emanate from Maria. I absorbed myself in it, knowing I was about to suffer again. I darted forward towards an adult male. I focused on Maria's joy as I bit and severed his jugular. Here it came: the inevitable pain, fear, shock and anger. I couldn't stand it, but my throat was burning wildly, and the only thing that could satiate it was blood. I drank until he was bone dry, his last emotions ringing in my head. The horror, disgust, and fear of the other people only making me feel worse. Maria took her turn.

She chased a young woman around, herding her into a corner. Maria growled menacingly, and I flinched as the woman's dread pierced me, and I strangled scream escaped her throat, almost silenced by pure fear. Maria smiled evilly, letting the woman run away, then slammed into her, knocking her down. Maria growled again, stepping on the woman's dress when she tried to get up. I watched as Maria stepped on the woman's leg, laughing at her screams for help. My dead heart felt leaden as the woman's agony and paralyzing fear hit me in sharp jolts. I felt wrong for not helping the woman, though I knew it was simply the way things were. I heard bones in the woman's other leg crunch. Maria always played with her food, and it was to my expense. I always suffered with her prey. Maria was such a sadistic killer, and it sickened me. Finally, Maria sank her teeth into her prey's neck, though not enough to kill her. She slowly drained the woman, letting her suffer as the venom burned and her life blood flowed out. When she was dead, three newborns had taken down the three people remaining. We managed to find people for the other newborns to prey on, and I went through more hell.

After disposing the bodies, Maria spoke, "Now, we go to Saltillo."

I didn't reply, for I was trying to expel the terrible emotions of our prey from my head. I just glared at the dusty road. I was a monster. A cold-blooded monster. I wanted to be human again so badly, but I knew there was no possible way. I sighed heavily as I looked ahead, and ran with the others towards the city of Saltillo, Mexico.


	4. The Fight

**Hey! Here's the fourth chapter! I love it when y'all review! I'm doing science homework. Ugh. It's a booger. Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's going to get sadder from here on out for a while. WARNING!!!: This chapter has a lot of fighting in it.**

After two nights of traveling, we came to an area around Saltillo, Mexico. I was for once grateful for being the monster I was. The city was located in the Chihuahua Desert, and- if I were human- the aridity of it would have bothered me. It made Texas seem bearable. I looked around at the cacti and dried soil, bathed in moonlight. My throat was barely burning, as there were no people within scenting range. Again, I was grateful. Maria and I led our army until we found the resident vampires.

I looked over them in the moonlight, their skin glowing. There were thirty of them, ten more than we had. I watched their wild, instinctive movements. They were untamed and had no training. I smiled grimly as I thought of how this would be relatively easy. I led five newborns in a wide half circle, so that we were behind the enemy. We had much practice with this strategy, and it almost never failed. By the time we had taken our places, Maria had her five in front and five on each side of the group. The enemy army snarled its chorus of disapprovals. Our army came closer, closing in any space they had to escape the attack.

The inexperienced, untrained newborns of the enemy were quick to strike out, and they didn't care who they harmed, just as long as harm was done. If everything worked out, they would help destroy themselves. The first newborn ran at full speed toward me. I snarled viciously as I met his attack, flipping over him so he couldn't bite me. I sank my teeth into his skin, jerking and sending his head flying.

"I'll get him, Jasper!" Maria called, "Get the fire going!"

"Yes ma'am!" I yelled as I released the now headless newborn.

I lit a match after gathering a heap of dry grass and wood, throwing it on the brown foliage. I heard footsteps coming toward me. I turned, grabbing the female enemy newborn before she could get me, and pushed her into the rising flames. Maria threw various limbs and appendages into the fire as she killed the enemy. I was numb to the suffering around me.

I had learned quickly to distance myself and focus on the fun Maria had while killing. I blocked out the macabre shrieks from the vampires being dismembered to be thrown in the flames. I personally didn't see the point in even making them suffer dismemberment, but just shove them in the fire whole. Their demise would come much sooner. I felt a sting on my face, right below my right eye, before I realized a newborn had pounced on me.

I snarled, jerking away and biting down hard on the first place my teeth could find. I ripped what happened to be a leg off of the newborn, and threw it into the fire. I threw the rest into the fire with ease. Maria danced over to me, hips swaying perfectly, as always. She motioned for me to come to her, and I did as she said.

"You need to strop pondering life and focus! Look at your face! Now come on and help me get these into the fire!" She barked, her crimson eyes practically glowing with hellish delight. The fire reflecting in them making them even more eerie.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, following her quickly.

She ran over to grab a soldier from the other army. As she extended her arm to snatch the female's hair, another newborn, probably her mate, jumped Maria, biting down on her neck and locking her on the ground. Maria's scream was bloodcurdling. I ran as fast as I could to save the leader of our army. I tackled the male newborn, pushing him off of Maria. She jumped up and looked at me, not bothering to help me as the female attacked me as well. I twisted as she bit into my upper back, and I grabbed her arm and jerked as hard as I could, causing a metallic shriek to fill the night as I severed her arm. I snarled and threw her into the fire. Now I had to deal with her mate.

He glared at me with his bright scarlet eyes. I could tell he truly wished death on me. I charged, then jumped back, ignoring the burning bite-marks, then feinted. He charged towards me, rage in his newborn eyes. I ran and jumped over the fire, the flames almost licking my feet. He followed, stupid fool. I jumped back up to meet him, shoving him down in mid-air into the fire. I scanned the battlefield. It was over. Maria, Nettie, Lucy, and nineteen newborns stood victorious. We had wiped out the entire enemy army with only one death. I walked over to them, smelling the sweet scent of the dark purple smoke coming up from the fire.

"Jasper, watch the newborns," Maria barked at me, though I could tell by the way her slim hand was on her neck that she was in pain.

"Yes, ma'am," I said as she ran off, taking her place in front of the newborns.

I analyzed the condition of the newborns. They all had at least two new scars. Not bad, I had trained them well. They had dust all over their clothes and in their hair, but they were still wound up. I felt ecstasy emanating from the entire group. This always happened after a big win like this, which I was glad for because it helped keep me from pitying the other army. Nettie, imitating the lusty way in which Maria's hips would sway she walked, moved toward me.

"You should have let her perish, Major Whitlock," Nettie said, fluttering her long, surprisingly dark lashes, "She'll never reward you for it."

I fought the grimace I wanted to contort my face into at the lust radiating from her, "Well, ma'am-"

"Nettie," she corrected, purring her name.

"Well, Nettie, I was raised better than that. And, without Maria, we would have no leader," I explained.

"I could take over. I'm well capable. And you could share the power. Yes, more than you have now, Jasper," Nettie purred my name, putting a hand on my chest, and tossing her long, fair hair over her shoulder.

"Nettie, back down. Maria's not going anywhere anytime soon. And I really wish you wouldn't speak to me like that. I have no interest in you in that way," I told her off.

"Fine," she said placidly, though her crimson eyes flashed from indignation. She strutted away.

I heard a human heart frantically pounding in the distance, making my throat catch on fire. I scanned the horizon, not needing to squint through the darkness. I saw Maria coming back, towing a human girl behind her. When Maria arrived, I got a look at the girl.

She was a pretty Mexican girl. Her skin was a creamy caramel color. She had flowing black hair and big, dark eyes wide with fear. She had an admirable hourglass shape and full, trembling lips. Her only imperfections were dark, bruise-like circles under her eyes from lack of sleep.

"Jasper, you saved me, so you get a reward," Maria grinned at me, and from the corner of my eye, Nettie glowered.

"Thank you, Maria, but I'm not thirsty," I lied, and I knew my eyes gave it away. I watched the girl's pulse point beat under her caramel skin, making my throat sear.

"That's a lie, Jasper. Look at her! Doesn't she smell delicious?" Maria taunted, and I wanted to rip the girl's throat out and satiate my thirst for her blood.

"Ay de mi!" The girl sobbed, her knees giving out. I caught her before she hit the ground.

She looked up at me nervously, her big brown eyes about to overflow with tears. She couldn't understand English. She must have only understood "delicious", poor girl. Her nervousness, fear, and sadness hid traces of lust when she looked at me. I couldn't control myself much longer. I bent, pressing my lips to her neck. Confusion emanated from her, along with lust. I sent calm to her as I bit into her neck, severing both her jugular vein and carotid artery. She would bleed out quickly. I swallowed her blood as quickly as it flowed out. She was dry within five minutes. I took her over to the still burning fire and put her in it, licking her blood from my lips. Maria came over to me again.

"Come on, Major. You know there's more to your reward for saving my life," Maria purred, kissing me roughly.

"For crying out loud, not again," I thought to myself as she pushed me down into a ditch.


	5. Monster

**Ok, here chapter 5! I had to skip over the conversation between Maria, Nettie, Lucy, and Jasper from Eclipse because of copyright. When I was writing this, I had Eclipse open on my lap! Please no harsh reviews if I got something wrong! I had to do some research on the Civil War and Confederate ranking system. I didn't know a Major from a Lieutenant from a General when I started writing! **

A seventy-five years had passed since Maria had changed me. I had just helped our, or more appropriately, her army, win yet another battle. I sighed as I went to sit by the pond nearby. I leaned over and looked at my reflection in the still water. I flinched, as always, when I saw the reflection of the monster I had become. My entire body was marred with scars, and I despised it. I splashed the water, dissolving my terrible reflection. I had my face in my hand. I hated myself. I heard someone walking towards me. I knew by the distinct sound that it was Peter.

"You alright, Jasper? You look horrible," Peter said, kneeling down beside me. He was the first actual friend I've had in this life. I took refuge in him, in a way.

"Yeah. I'm fine," I replied, but Peter knew better.

"No you're not. Bites hurting?" He asked.

"No. It's something else. Something no one knows about," I said, hesitating, I didn't want anyone to my ability to their advantage or consider me weak.

"Then what is it? Sick of the fighting?" Peter prodded.

I sighed, "I guess you could say that."

"Well, I'm sick of it, too, and I've only been here three years. You've been here seventy-five!" Peter said.

"Thanks, Peter. The truth is, I'm not normal," I said, with hesitation.

"How?"

"I can feel emotions coming from everyone, including the ones we kill. I can control how they feel as well," I said, not looking up from the water. I shuddered as the newborns' last emotions still echoed in my head.

"Ouch. That can't be pleasant," Peter said, and I was glad he understood. Uneasiness emanated from him, "Jasper, I'm in l-"

"Jasper! Peter! Time to clean out some of the newborns!" Maria interrupted loudly.

"Alright! Coming!" Peter said as he got up and we ran over to the fire Maria had built.

"I have no use for Miguel, Andrea, Carlos, and Charlotte. Their strength is beginning to fade," Maria said, and I couldn't help noticing the anger that hit me in a sharp jolt from Peter. He twitched the corners of his lips up apologetically, though his eyes had despair in them.

Maria walked off so we could do her dirty work. I exchanged a guilty look with Peter.

"Miguel!" I called, and a crimson-eyed vampire a few months past his year mark walked over to me. Peter ran a hand through his dark brown hair.

"Oh Hell no!" Miguel said, shock set into his Mexican features.

"Sorry," Peter said as we struggled with him, having only dismemberment as an option.

"Andrea! Carlos!" Peter called, the look of utter devastation still in his eyes. I knew mine had no emotion in them, because I made sure I didn't feel the volatile human emotions.

They were the weakest links in our army, and took little effort to throw into the fire without a struggle. I knew I would be affected by the emotions later, but I was already depressed, so I didn't care. It was time to call Charlotte over.

"Jasper, I just noticed I haven't ever seen you smile in the three years I've been here," Peter said, "You don't have to kill them. There has to be a different way than this! We can run off!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Peter. There are no peaceful vampires. It's nothing but a damned war zone!" I retorted coldly, "Charlotte!"

She came over, her long, dirty blonde hair hanging perfectly past her shoulders. She was right at her year mark. She was a good fighter as well. Shame was the first emotion I felt since Maria had given the orders. I quickly stifled it and stalked nearer to her. Her features were sad, but placid. When I lunged at her, Peter knocked me out of the way.

"What is wrong with you?" I snarled, trying to get up.

"Run! Run, Charlotte! I'll catch up!" Peter yelled, ignoring me.

Charlotte did as he told her, running off. He watched her go. He suddenly jumped off of me.

"Jasper, come on! Travel with us. You know it seems sensible that there's a peaceful way to live!" He said as he turned and ran.

I ran a hand through my blond curls as I watched the only friend I had in this life disappear over the horizon. I didn't bother to stop them, for I didn't want to hurt my friend and his apparent mate. I went over memories of Peter since Charlotte's eyes had opened for the first time in this life. He was gentle with her, never fighting or hostile. They had usually been around each other, though no one noticed because of all the other newborns. They smiled more than any of the vampires around me.

"Jasper! I don't need Michael, Carol, and Linda, either. Where did Peter go?" Maria asked harshly.

"Off with Charlotte," I replied with no hint of emotion in my voice.

"Why did you let them escape?" She yelled the inquiry, and I felt her rage stab me.

"It wasn't worth chasing them. If Peter didn't want to be here, he'd just kill himself in the next battle. Trust me. They'll come back once they find that this is the way things are," I reassured, though I was starting to wonder if there was another way to live.

"Jasper, you let my second most useful vampire escape!" She practically shrieked, and I knew that she was most likely going to act on her fury. I winced mentally at the thought. She bit hard and didn't let go.

"Sorry, ma'am. He can be replaced. I'll find the replacement myself if it pleases you," I bribed, praying.

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" She yelled, grabbing my left wrist suddenly and bit down. Hard.

I knew that was coming. And of course it had to be my dominant side. I clenched my jaw as she held the bite and it started to burn. I knew it would do no good on my part to pull away. Maria would let go when she felt like it and not a moment before. I hissed under my breath, trying not to move. When it got impossibly hotter, a snarl escaped my throat. I lost it, jerking away and lunging at her, biting down on the first place I could. I didn't let go until she did, and I bit harder than she was capable of. When she let go, I did as well and backed off until I could meet her glare. Indignation was rolling off of her, along with rage. I half expected her to attack me, put me in my place. To my surprise she calmly composed herself, straightened, and walked up to me.

"You will never lash out at me again! Do you understand?" She growled, but her voice had a worryingly placid note to it, making me stifle a shudder.

"Yes, ma'am. I apologize," I said through clenched teeth, my wrist burning so badly I wanted to drop down and scream.

"Good," she retorted, turning and walking off with her feline grace.

I ran back over to the pond, kneeling down and putting water on my wrist, trying to rinse out the venom that hadn't sunk in yet. I hissed, cursing under my breath as water got into the wound. I dried my wrist gently with my shirt. It didn't feel much better, but I knew that it wouldn't get worse. I sat down against a tree, pinching the bridge of my nose.

I took note of my heart being still. Maybe it was gone. Maybe I was a monster that had no heart. It could've disintegrated during the change, after it stopped beating. It started to finally sink in that I really was, without a doubt, a monster. My parents would have been so disappointed in me. I knew I was going downhill mentally. Was it even worth it? Should I just let myself be killed in the next battle? I remembered back to the day I was changed.

"Major Whitlock, you may go back to Galveston and alert them that all the women and children have been evacuated and are safe," the General said. I eyed the three stars of his collar insignia, and figured I would move up soon to Lieutenant Colonel, and add another star to the insignia on my collar. Major earned me one star, and I hoped to make it two soon.

"Yes, sir," I replied, saluting, then turning to mount my horse.

I got on my big, chestnut stallion and rode off, scanning for stragglers. When I saw none, I sped up, eager to get back to Galveston. I smiled, we were going to whoop Yankee ass, I just knew it! It was a pleasantly cool night on October 2nd, 1863. At nineteen, I was young and enthusiastic about war. I knew it had to be late, at least eleven, but I didn't care. I almost spooked my horse as I let out the Rebel Yell at the top of my voice. I was cocky, to say the least. I laughed quietly as I heard a dog baying at me.

After about ten more minutes, I saw three girls in white gowns. I slowed to a stop, dismounting my horse, patting his neck. I saw that the girls were extraordinarily beautiful. I sucked in my breathe. They were all porcelain skinned, even the black haired girl, whose features were clearly Mexican. They spoke among themselves and to me, giggling. I had no reason to be self conscious, as I knew that I caught the eye of most girls, though I hadn't found one that I had much interest in. The two blondes ran away gracefully, leaving me alone with the brunette.

By this time, I was frozen with fear. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. I had to speak, break the ominous silence.

"Y-your name, ma'am, um, miss?" I stammered, my heart hammering.

"Maria," she purred, "I really hope you live, Jasper."

She then inclined her head. I just then realized that her eyes were a dark, blood red. She placed her lips on my neck, inhaling. She was ice cold! Was this a nightmare? I wanted so badly to wake up! Just as I could force my feet to move, she grabbed my arm as she bit into my neck. She tensed as she tasted my blood. It all came clear to me then. She was a vampire! I tried to struggle, but she had an iron grasp. She was sucking my blood. After a few seconds, I felt lightheaded. She tightened her grip on my arms, stopping herself from killing me by blood loss, and bit harder, holding it. I felt something entering my bloodstream. It was warm at first, gradually getting warmer.

She released me, taking her teeth from me. She grabbed me roughly and dragged me a short distance into a house. Putting me in a room on the top floor. I groaned as the venom started to burn.

"Try to stay quiet. I'm going to find Nettie and Lucy," Maria told me as she left.

I knew if this got worse that I wasn't going anywhere. I was burning everywhere, and the cool wood floor gave me no relief. I'd never been in this much pain before. I remembered when I got shot in the elbow. It didn't even come close to this. I curled up, clenching my teeth and trying not to scream. That failed quickly as the venom got even hotter. Screaming did absolutely nothing. I kept my teeth clenched, trembling in my agony. After about eight hours, I heard the door creak open.

"Thank God, Maria!" A female voice exclaimed, "You kept him! Despite his amazing scent."

"Most admirable, Maria," another female said.

I couldn't concentrate any more through the pain. I couldn't fight another painful scream. I squirmed around, trying with no avail to get more comfortable, or in better words, less uncomfortable. I had no clue what was really going on. I felt alone, abandoned. Was I dying? If I was, I wished it would hurry up and just kill me. I had to speak to Maria. Could I speak without it coming out as another scream? I tried to breathe evenly, unclenching my jaw. No. I tried to call out to Maria, but I only screamed. The hours passed slowly, painfully. I felt the extremities of my body cool, only adding to the heat in my chest. My heart hammered wildly.

Another few hours passed, and my pathetic, useless screams echoed with no response. All the heat crept toward my heart, which continued its labored hammering, fighting the pressure trying to force it to stop. My throat was starting to burn now. All of the intense heat was focused on my heart. My mind had lots of empty space focused on pain. My heart was losing its fight. I felt it heaving its last beats. My heart pounded three hollow thuds with the last of its strength, stuttered and went silent. Why was I still thinking? I was dead.

I opened my eyes as I sat up. The only pain I felt was in my throat now. Everything was so clear. I could see every particle of dust, every grain of wood. I finally saw Maria sitting placidly in a chair. I saw for the first time the true perfection of vampires.

"Take a look at yourself, Major," she said, tossing a mirror, which I automatically caught.

I looked at myself. My tanned skin was now snow white, my features refined and perfected. I had no scars now. I didn't know what to think.

I came back to the present when Nettie plopped down beside me. Oh, God. Not again.

"This is a world where kindness doesn't get you anywhere, Jasper," she said, staring off into the distance, fingering one of her scars. I saw how prominent it was, Maria must have done that.

"I know. Then why are you here telling me this?" I replied coldly, jumping up, still holding my burning wrist.

"Hey, I was just trying to give you a little ease of heart!" Nettie retorted, standing, flicking her long blonde hair, and walking off. I didn't bother trying to get her to come back.

I sighed, glowering at my reflection in the pond. I had no idea how to handle kindness. I had taken her sudden kindness as a strategy to find my weaknesses. I honestly didn't trust anyone, including Peter now, who practically left me for dead. I pinched the bridge of my nose again, wishing to die. I had truly become a monster.

**Me: Poor Jazzy.**

**Jasper: Don't feel sorry for me. It's over and behind me.**

**Me: I don't feel sorry for you! I feel sympathy!**

**Jasper: Alright, alright.**

**Lol! Just had to put that right there.**


	6. Travelers

**Hello again, my faithful readers! Back for more Jasper? Well here you go! enjoy! Have fun with the conversations I have with Jasper at the end of these chapters! If you want me to tell him something for you, PM me and I'll put it up at the end of the chapters along with his response! **

Almost a year had passed, three hundred forty-five days, since I watched Peter run off with Charlotte. I had hated every day of this hell I had to endure. Once again I found myself bout to dispose of more newborns past their year mark. I had trouble numbing myself from the torture I was about to put my own kind through today. I shook my head, trying to shake the guilt from me. I heard familiar footfall approaching. Could it possibly be?

"Jasper!" Peter called to me, and I whirled around.

"What are you doing here, Peter?" I hissed.

"Coming back for you! Charlotte and I found another way to live, Jasper! It's up north! Covens live peacefully practically beside each other!" Peter exclaimed as Maria walked up to us.

"Peter, so the traitor is finally back!" She snarled.

"Jasper, run! Now or never!" Peter said as he pivoted and darted in the other direction.

"Jasper, stay!" Maria commanded, a menacing tone in her voice.

"Maria, your not the boss of me anymore!" I said as I ran off in the direction Peter had taken.

I heard her growl, but not pursue. Once I caught up to Peter, we ran northward, stopping after about a hundred miles to catch up.

"You look terrible, Major," Charlotte remarked, looking at my facial expression, which seemed to be stuck in a distant, hostile mask. One that hadn't smiled in almost one hundred years.

"You can call me Jasper, Charlotte. I'm not in charge of anyone but myself now," I replied. My voice had had no emotion for the past year, including now.

Nothing really excited me anymore. My state of mind had depleted. Not a positive thought even entered my head anymore, and depression sank in. Maria noticed my obvious disinterest in everything, but still did nothing. I kept my eyes averted, I didn't like that others were bothering themselves with my problems. I didn't want pity.

"You should've escaped with us last year, Jazz. You still haven't smiled," Peter said, and the faintest hint of emotion came back to me when I heard my nickname for the first time in what seemed like eternity. My head snapped up to look at him.

"Alright," I mumbled, pulling the corners of my mouth up into a stiff smile that not only didn't meet my eyes, but was completely plausible that it wasn't genuine.

"Does your face ache from actually using those muscles?" Peter joked, trying to bring some kind of life into me.

"Oh, so bad," I muttered, holding my face. I couldn't wake my voice up, my mind was so deep in the bottomless pit of depression. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I was tired of feeling terrible.

"Wow. You, my friend, are in bad shape if you can't even put emotion into a joke," Peter said, his concern for me rolling off of him in waves.

What hit me next made me want to hit myself. I hadn't been the least bit chivalrous, as my parents had taught me. I stood, walking over to Charlotte. Due to past experience with me, I felt nervousness roll off of her. Peter looked at her, and put a hand on her slim arm.

"I hope you'll accept my apology of the day we last met. I'm Jasper Whitlock," I said extending my hand to her.

Charlotte put her hand in mine, and I courteously kissed it, "Charlotte. When were you changed?"

"Late 1862, in Dallas, Texas, ma'am," I said as I sat back down. I realized I would have to retrain myself to have manners.

"Peter, I'm going to hunt. My throat is burning," Charlotte said standing up.

I immediately stood when she did.

"You alright, Jasper?" She asked, giving me a strange look.

"I see chivalry is starting to die. I was raised not to sit down until all the ladies are seated or gone," I explained, and she gave an understanding smile, shaking her head.

"We all should hunt. Jasper, your eyes are pitch black. Come hunt with us. We don't attack you when you're the first to get something," he said, waiting for me.

"Alright. I am thirsty," I replied still with no emotion, though the slightest hint of a smile played on my features from his kindness.

"Then come on," he laughed, running off with Charlotte.

We scented humans, and quickly found some. The scent of their blood was all once too much for me to say "ladies first". I couldn't scold myself, for I was too preoccupied with getting my thirst satiated. I snarled involuntarily at Peter and Charlotte, telling them to back off. I quickly tackled the human, sinking my teeth into his soft-as-butter flesh. After I drank a little, my thirst was ruined. Pain, shock, confusion, and panic hit me hard. I snapped his neck, ending his life. I managed to finish draining him. I felt worse than I did before as those strong emotions echoed in my head. I rose turning to look at Peter and Charlotte, who were finishing up.

"You alright, Jasper? You look worse than before," Charlotte remarked.

"No. I'm not. I can feel emotional climates. I think it's what's making me depressed," I explained, seeing no need to hide my ability any longer.

"That must be horrible," she said, trying to embrace me.

My reaction shocked us all. The moment her arms encircled my waist, a feral snarl ripped from my throat, I twisted out of her grasp, biting her. She screamed and Peter rushed over.

"Jasper! What the hell?" Peter yelled as sense came back to me.

"Oh, my God. Charlotte I'm so sorry! I couldn't control it! After so long, I've associated it with an attack. Are you alright? Peter, I'm so sorry!" I stammered, panicking.

"It's alright, Jasper. That was stupid of me," Charlotte said, holding her arm.

"Jasper, you have a long way to go," Peter said, "It's just going to take time for you to adjust to this life."

"I'd be better off alone where I can't hurt anyone, Peter. I can't live with myself if I hurt anyone who tries to get me to settle down," I said with emotionless authority.

"Jasper, we'll gladly live with that. We're your friends. We're going to help you," Peter said, Charlotte didn't appear to care that I had bitten her.

"Alright. Thank you, Peter," I replied, and he put a hand on my shoulder. I tensed, but managed to relax.

After a few hours of traveling north from Morelia, Mexico, we came to Monterrey. The sun would be coming up soon, and we would have to stop traveling until dusk. We were all covered in dust now. Charlotte wasn't as feminine as she looked. She kept up perfectly with Peter and me, and didn't care if she got dirty following us. I say "following" because she didn't know the territory as well as Peter and I did.

I thought as we traveled. Was this even possible? After seventy-six years of being told there was no other way, could this be a way? I was eager for peace. I didn't want to fight, by now I despised it. I remember when I was young and foolish, eager to fight. I never thought of how my life would turn out, and how much I would loathe it, its violence, everything. I might actually have a chance at being somewhat less depressed. One thing I'd forgotten how to do was pitiful. I had forgotten how to smile. We retreated to an abandoned house as the sun crept above the eastern horizon. At nightfall, we emerged from the house, continuing north, toward a better life.

**Me: Do you think they'll come up with funny stuff to tell or ask you, Jazzy?**

**Jasper: Probably. How did you get me to agree to this?**

**Me: I asked nicely, and when you said no, I acted offended and wouldn't talk to you.**

**Jasper: I swear, you are crazier than Alice on caffeine!**

**Me: Me? No... Maybe... Can vampires even get hyper from caffeine?**

**Jasper: Unfortunately. Alice and Monster is not a good combination.**

**Me: (Burps and drops Monster can) Hehe... I like Monsters.**

**Jasper: Oh Hell no! You drank a whole one when you know that you go crazy if you have two sips?!?!?!**

**Me: YES!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! BYEEEE PEOPLE!!!!!**


	7. On My Own

**Hey guys! I'd like to apologize for skipping around so much! Depressed Jasper isn't the most interesting character. He doesn't really do much that catches attention. The story is probably going to skip again after this chapter. It will get better, I promise. The most interesting part is yet to come! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Please review! I will love you all forever if I get four (4) more reviews on this story by Monday! **

I walked a yard away from Peter and Charlotte as we traveled. I was grateful for the peace a nomadic life brought, but was still depressed from hunting humans. I sighed and just kept running through the night, the full moon casting eerie glows on us. This life really had no structure, which I had quickly taken to. I wondered idly about my family, which I had changed one hundred and ten years ago now. How were they doing? I wanted to know, but couldn't bring myself to care through my depression. It was July 1975, and I felt every year I had been through. The past thirty-six had been spent were Peter and Charlotte, which were my best years of my vampire life.

"You alright, Jasper? You haven't been talking much," Peter said, concerned.

"Nothing to talk about, Peter," I said, shrugging and not meeting his eyes.

"You should hunt, Jazz. You look like you're having trouble keeping up, and you haven't hunted in over a month," Charlotte said, halting when Peter and I did.

"I'd rather not. I always feel terrible when I hunt. I'd rather be weak than feel that way. I'll wait until I can't stand it before I hunt," I replied, wincing at the thought of killing again.

"Alright, Jasper, but it's killing us to see you like this," Charlotte said, "And you haven't gotten much better with physical contact. Every vampire we come across is either afraid of you and runs away or attacks you. It's terrible," Charlotte said, her big crimson eyes looking up at me with sympathy I couldn't understand or get used to.

I felt sadness emanating from Charlotte. She had always been gentle with words towards me. I was glad that she and Peter had escaped together. They looked perfect with each other. I knew that I had no one that I could love, and no one would ever love me. I was a monster. It was that simple. No one could be that understanding of me as to be with me with reasons more than sympathy. I didn't know why Peter and Charlotte wanted to keep me around. I knew I sometimes frustrated them when I was too weak to keep up or they accidentally triggered a negative response from me, like the time I bit Charlotte when she hugged me. But, strangely, their frustration was always smothered by understanding and sympathy. Never would I understand such nonsense.

If I had to live with myself, one of us would have been dead or forced to go off by this point. I frustrated myself to no end. I could never get anything right, my instincts were constantly on edge. I had virtually no life left in me, no fire in my black eyes. I ran on nothing but immortality. If I were human, I would've taken my own life by now, or better yet, would've been under a grave. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't want Peter and Charlotte to worry about me more than they already did. I knew that, despite what I wanted, I'd only continue to go downhill if I were alone, if no one were there for me.

I had absolutely no faith in God, no hope that He would make anything better. I had been doubting that God even existed, and that didn't help any. The last time I had prayed had been thirty-six years ago, when I ran away with Peter and Charlotte. I had prayed that I wouldn't suffer anymore, or at least that it would get better. I didn't care if it meant dying, I just wanted to be out of misery. Of course God didn't listen. I was a monster, and I knew it.

I had broken almost every one of the ten commandments. I had idolized and worshipped Maria and the ground she walked on, in a way. I had done anything and everything in my power to please her, that was the first two in one act. I had said "God, damn it" so many times it was sickening, that was three. I definitely neglected the fourth one, I treated Sunday as if it had no meaning, and still did. I hadn't been to church since I was human. Honor your parents, I broke the fifth commandment when I changed them, then left. The sixth one was sure to send me to hell, for I had murdered countless people and other vampires. I felt bad about breaking the seventh one, adultery. I was planning on marrying the girl I loved as soon as the war was over, and I was with Maria multiple times during the time I was sure she was still alive. You shall not steal, number eight, was also broken. I stole lives, I stole material objects from people the newborns killed, because Maria wanted them. I clearly remembered the valuable gold necklace I took from a woman a newborn had killed her. Number nine, don't bear false witness, was broken. I had blamed things going wrong on newborns multiple times, most of the time ending up in their destruction. I had coveted positions in the army, both as a human and as a vampire. That was all ten. There was no way I was going to heaven. I had my pass to hell sealed. I knew I would definitely burn with Satan whenever I was de-

"What are you thinking so hard about, Jasper?" Peter asked, interrupting my long stream of thoughts.

"How many ways I've earned myself a trip to hell. I've broken all of The Ten Commandments," I replied miserably.

"Wow. That's pretty sad, but you couldn't help some of it," Peter replied, "When was the last time you went to church?"

"I don't even know! And I'm going to have to confess all that next time I go," I groaned, I wasn't looking forward to that spectacle.

"Oh, damn! Jasper, you're Catholic?" Peter said, his jaw dropping.

"Was. I stopped believing a while ago. I was just thinking that if there is a God, he's sending me to hell," I replied, hating to admit that.

The Seven Deadly Sins damned me even more. Pride was something I had too much of as I rose through the ranks in Maria's army. Envy was another problem. I had a tendency to envy higher ranking positions. Lust had me when I was with Maria multiple times, since there was no love behind my actions, only raw lust. Wrath was a problem for me with other vampires, I often was revengeful. My lack of control with human blood was gluttony, I could never seem to satiate my thirst. I was often greedy for power and blood, though I concealed the power greed well. I couldn't think of anything for sloth, which I assumed gave me one redeeming quality, but not enough to get me out of hell.

"Oh. Well, are you thinking about going to church again?" Peter asked.

"No. I'd give myself away at confession," I said, frowning.

"Oh. That really can't be good, then."

"Yeah, and I'd be there for days, confessing every sin I've committed over the past one hundred and twelve years," I said, thinking bout how long it would take talking at a fast human speed.

"Wow, no wonder you're depressed," Peter said in amazement as I was ever aware of the throb in the center of my chest, where my heart should be.

"Yeah. I hate it," I said, glowering at the ground.

"This is the most open you've been with us, Jasper," Charlotte said smiling and sitting beside me.

"Well, you guys asked, and I don't like lying," I shrugged.

"That's good. You have redeeming qualities, Jasper. You're just unable to let people see them most of the time," Charlotte soothed serenely.

"Thanks. It's nice to know someone thinks that," I said, almost feeling like I could possibly smile.

"Well, we better get going, it's almost sunrise and it wouldn't be good for a human to see three sparkling people sitting in the grass talking," Peter said, standing up and running off.

We followed until we found an old shed. The sun was starting to peek over the horizon, giving off a reddish glow. We sparkled a little, moving toward the shed to take shelter from the sun. We waited out the day and emerged as soon as the sun was hidden. I couldn't take much more. I had to hunt.

"I don't know how much longer I can go without hunting before it starts having effects as adverse as when I do hunt," I said unwillingly. When I got really thirsty, I was weak and extremely irritable.

"Hunt! Whatever you do, don't wait until then!" Charlotte shrieked, remembering last time.

We wandered around the suburb, looking for anyone out by themselves. We didn't need to look hard, as fireworks were popping everywhere. It was Independence Day. I saw a woman with a delicious scent walking by herself and I lost control immediately. My throat was in agony, and I needed to satiate my overwhelming thirst. I tackled her, her spine breaking as she slammed to the ground and I slashed open her carotid artery and jugular vein, drinking as fast as I could before her pain and fear sank in. I had her dry by the time the unpleasant emotions set in, echoing in my head and tormenting me.

"You alright?" Peter asked, helping me dispose of the body.

"Nope. Never am after I hunt," I mumbled, scattering the warm ashes.

"I hate that this life is so difficult for you," Peter said, looking at me with that confusing sympathy that I could never understand.

"Me, too. I've been thinking, Peter. I think I'd be better on my own, I'm not much better here than I was with Maria. I get into a fight almost every time we come across other vampires. I'm a liability to you and Charlotte. I want you guys to live peacefully, and with me around, it's impossible," I said firmly, standing a little straighter.

"It's alright, Jasper. We don't mind. You can stay with us," Peter reassured me.

"Peter, you and Charlotte are my friends, and I can sense that you like me around, but I also frustrate you frequently. It'll be good for me to be alone, where I can't bother anyone with how irritable I get when I'm thirsty. I'll be fine. I haven't had much time alone since I was human," I said persuasively.

"Jasper, don't ever think Charlotte and I don't want you around. It's simply not true. It's also your decision, and not my place to stop you. If it's what you really want, go. But feel free to travel with us any time," Peter said, the pain in his voice backed up by his emotions as Charlotte came toward us from her hunt.

"What did I miss?" She asked, straightening her clothes.

"I've deliberated, and I've chosen to travel alone," I said, looking at her. My expression was the softest it had ever been since I was human.

"Alright. We'll miss you, Jazz," she said, knowing there was no changing my mind.

Peter and I shook hand exchanging looks. I took Charlottes hand kissing it. She knew any more physical contact than that would result in a not-so-pleasant reaction from me. I still panicked and attacked if anyone touched me a certain way.

After goodbyes were out of the way, I turned and headed northeast. I had no clue where I was going, but something was telling me to head that way. I was uneasy about not having anyone on my side in a confrontation, or to be with me when I was at rock bottom. I corrected myself, I was already there, so the only way to go was up. I hoped that I was correct, and wouldn't just stay at rock bottom for the rest of my existence.

**Jasper: You really like rubbing it in my face that I don't do much when I'm depressed, don't you?**

**Me: No, Jazzy, I'm not rubbing it in your face, it's a fact that after a few chapters of your self-loathing, it puts people to sleep!**

**Jasper: Sorry!**

**Me: It's alright, you can't help it.**

**Jasper: Thanks.**

**Me: Want to go see New Moon with me?**

**Jasper: Hell, no!**

**Me: Aw, why?**

**Jasper: 1. I look nothing like that! 2. I regret attacking Bella and don't need to remember that.**

**Me: Oh, gotcha. Bye everyone! Live long and prosper!**


	8. Perfect Little Pixie

**Hey again! I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter on there. And the most interesting to write. Why am I on fanfiction at six in the a.m.? Because I feel like it! Ha ha! Well enjoy the beginning of Jalice, or Alisper, or whatever.**

I wandered into the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It was storming that day, though I didn't care. I hadn't hunted in three weeks, and it was really starting to take its toll on me. My eyes were dark, and I was weaker than normal. If a coven of vampires decided to attack, I wouldn't stand a chance. I stopped thinking right there. Maybe that would be a good thing. My depression hadn't gotten any better. I had been running on pure instinct, like a newborn. Any physical contact that I hadn't had time to process resulted in violence for me. I had quickly blown a chance to travel with a nomadic coven because of this. I didn't care, I had been on my own for the past ten years, and I didn't want to be a liability to them. I hated this life more every second, but something kept telling me to keep going.

It was raining really hard now, it would sting human skin. I had learned to fit in with humans on the occasions when I mingled with them. It was rare, as most days were sunny, and the presence of humans burned my throat beyond belief. Everyone was taking shelter now. I normally wouldn't have bothered, but for the sake of anonymity, I did as well, though it meant being in a closed space with humans. I sighed, taking in air before I stepped into the small, half empty diner. I shook my head, and water flew out of my soaked, blond curls.

Just then, a small, dark haired girl turned around on her stool at the counter, a smile on her small features. I knew by her distinct smell, snowy skin, and beauty that she was a vampire. Her eyes confused me, though. They were golden. I started to crouch down defensively as she walked towards me, her blue silk skirt flowing beautifully around her slim body, but I found no malice in her emotions. I was left standing, confused. Her words confused me even more.

"You kept me waiting a long time," she said, looking up at me from her very petite height, four feet, eleven inches.

Was she insane? I had never seen her before, for I would certainly remember such a happy, golden eyed vampire. I had confusion written all over my face, but I couldn't be impolite, even if she was crazy. I ducked my head politely and replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am."

She smiled even wider, radiating emotions I had forgotten existed. I couldn't make sense of any of this, but she clearly meant no harm. She extended her tiny hand towards me. I was shocked at myself when I took it without a second thought.

"I'm Alice," her soprano voice chirped.

"Jasper," I replied, tentatively lifting her slim hand, bending the rest of the way to press my lips to it.

She turned and led me to a booth in the back of the diner, I was still completely confused as to what exactly the situation was. Once we sat down, she began speaking.

"I know you are utterly confused about this, but listen. I can see the future, and I've been seeing you traveling with Peter and Charlotte, and by yourself. I saw you come in here, so I decided to meet you. I've tried countless times before to run into you, but your plans kept changing," she babbled on in her beautiful voice. I loved the emotions emanating from her. She was joyful, full of life and hope, and it was starting to bring me up from rock bottom.

"Well, I assume you know my story, then. And how my ability is empathy," I replied.

"Yes, and I know you'll like what you're about to hear. My eyes are gold from possibly the most peaceful way of life that even you would be happy with. It'll save you," she smiled, her gold eyes dancing.

"What is it? Say it and I'll leave this life behind me. Say it if it's worth saving me!" I said, hopeful for the first time I could recall.

"It's definitely worth saving you, Jasper. The blood of animals is the answer. You won't be depressed anymore. And I've seen a coven of five vampires that live this way," she said, then her eyes unfocused and glazed over. I was alarmed by this.

"Alice? Alice!" I said frantically. Was something wrong with her?

"Huh? Oh! Sorry. Vision. There's going to a song called Savin' Me that is similar to what you just said. I saw it," Alice said, "If I space out like that, it means I'm seeing something, so don't panic when that happens," she was still smiling.

"Sorry. I don't think I've smiled as much in my existence as you have in the past ten minutes," I thought out loud.

"I have a reason to be happy now," she stated simply, as if she were talking about the weather.

"Well, I'm glad you're happy about having a screw up travel with you," I said, staring at my scarred arms, and I almost immediately became self-conscious, looking away and taking my arms off the table, so she couldn't see most of how badly I was scarred.

"Jasper, it wasn't your fault," she said, noticing my self-consciousness.

"It was, to an extent," I replied, still not meeting this angel's eyes.

"Ma'am, Sir, if your not going to order, I'll have to ask you to leave. The rain has lightened considerably," a waitress said, annoyed.

"Alright. Come on, Jasper, we have a ways to go," Alice said, standing and walking past the waitress, whom I was desperately trying not to attack.

I panicked at the thought of the tiny angel leaving me, and quickly followed her out the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my voice strained from the searing pain in my throat.

"Hunting," she replied, a smile gracing her full lips and lighting up her face.

I automatically groaned and shuddered at the mention of the word.

"Animals, remember?"

"Alright, Alice. Are you sure we can live on it, though?" I asked skeptically.

"Positive. I've never tasted human blood," she said nodding, her short, inky hair bouncing. It somehow managed to keep its luster in the overcast. She was extremely slender, but healthy-looking. She was proportioned perfectly. She had long, black lashes that complimented her eye shape perfectly. She was, in my opinion, even more beautiful than Maria. She didn't have a scar on her and was the picture of all innocence.

"What are you looking at?" She giggled, knowing my answer.

"You," I admitted, there was no use lying, "You look like an angel."

"Really?" She asked, smirking up at me and cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, I scolded myself for thinking she might ever be with me. She was out of my league and only felt sorry for me.

"Thank you," she replied as we wandered through the forest a ways away from the city, "Jasper, listen carefully. Do you hear a heart beating?"

I listened intently, and off in the distance, sure enough, I heard a beating heart and the grunt of a bear, "Yes. It's a bear."

"Now scent it. It won't smell human, but it won't smell bitter," Alice said, following me as I ran towards where the scent was coming from.

When I found the bear, I couldn't bring myself to hunt before Alice did, "Ladies first."

"That's sweet, but I just hunted. You need it way more than I do," she replied, pushing me toward the bear.

Upon being touched, I spun around, snarling defensively. I still couldn't control that reaction.

"Jasper, Jasper, it's alright. I won't hurt you, I promise," she said, backing away slowly as sense came back to me.

"I'm so sorry, Alice! Physical contact and I haven't been the best of friends in this life," I said, looking down.

"It's alright, Jasper. It'll get better. Now, go get the bear before it runs off," she said understandingly.

I nodded, running toward the bear, pinning it to the ground and sinking my teeth into it, its thick fur was annoying, but I was to thirsty to care. I drank as quickly as possible from habit. The bear's blood wasn't sweet like I was used to. I would've stopped if I hadn't been so thirsty. I continued to drink the bear's bland-tasting blood until it was dry. When I pulled away, I grimaced.

"It takes some getting used to," she laughed, it was like soprano, pealing bells.

"Understatement," I said, swallowing hard, trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

"But, how do you feel?" She asked, smirking from self pride way too big for a tiny pixie.

I assessed my own emotions for once, and was shocked, "Not fully satisfied, but stronger and my throat isn't burning as badly. I'm not impacted at all by the gruesome human emotions at all."

"Good. Do you believe me now?"

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, earning a look from her.

"You can stop calling me ma'am. We'll be traveling together for a while. And I'm in no way in control of you. Do you honestly think someone my size can control someone over a foot taller than her?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

"I've seen it done. It hurts, just take my word on this one," I said, shuddering at the thought of Maria, and my hand went to my left wrist.

"Oh, Maria, huh?"

"Yes. Unfortunately. I hate her," I said, nodding stiffly.

"Well, Jasper, I'll do you a favor if we ever see her again. I'll kill her," Alice declared, dead serious, her tiny size almost made laugh, "What?"

"It's just funny hearing that come from you. You're even smaller than she is!" I said, smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever, and Alice grinned.

"What?" I asked, confused by the shock jolting from her.

"I've never seen you're smile. I love it," she said as she walked up to me.

"Thanks, Alice," I told the angel that pulled me out of hell.

"You're welcome. Now come on," she said as a quick vision unfocused her eyes. After a second, she held out her hand to me.

"Alright. Where are we headed?" I asked, taking her hand as we started running in the opposite direction.

"West. To Washington. We'll take our time. I see them moving there in about ten years," she said happily.

"We have ten years to travel a little over two thousand miles?" I asked, how long will we be staying in one place?

"Yeah. I like to take in the sights of the cities I go through. A lot of them are so beautiful in their own way that I can't resist staying a week," Alice said, lifting my hand and twirling gracefully. She was so graceful! It put all other vampires to shame.

"Where you lead, I'll follow," I replied, managing to pry my eyes off of Alice's graceful form.

My hand was still in hers, and I wanted it to stay there, though I still told myself she only felt sorry for me. I searched her emotions, looking for any emotions that would support this theory. I couldn't find any hints of fear, disgust, or malice, which shocked me. Never had I known such a peaceful vampire. I saw her stealing glances at me from the corner of my eye. Was that possibly… lust? How could she be possibly be attracted to me? Maybe, just maybe she could really see the future. Maybe see saw this going somewhere. I knew I could fall for her, and fall hard. No, not could, was. In a matter of hours, I had started to love this little pixie. But, what if the chances weren't on my side, and she planned to go nowhere with this. I decided not to try anything until I was sure, and I knew next to nothing about her.

"Let's not get carried away, Jasper. A few unfamiliar emotions and you start thinking crazy things," my conscience told me, I was shocked at how right it was.

**Me: *sobs***

**Jasper: What's wrong?**

**Me: Alice... She got you.**

**Alice: Ha ha! You're parents weren't even thought of when I met Jasper.**

**Jasper: Oh, no. What have I started?**

**Me: Hell!**

**[Chaos]**

**Jasper: Okay, I have some advice for all you people: 2 girls [one of which is a vamp]+ 1 guy [vamp]= NOT GOOD ENDING!**


	9. Memphis

**'Ello govnah! Jolly good day to you! Why'm I talking in a British accent? Bllody hell! I don't know! Why don't you enjoy this chapter, it's the bees knees! **

I was smiling a lot more after about six months of traveling with Alice. I was happier than I had ever been. I smiled just thinking about Alice as we waited out the day in a hotel room. I assessed my own emotions, to find that I indeed had fallen hard for her. We were traveling through Tennessee now. We had gotten to see the Great Smoky Mountains, Knoxville, Nashville, Chattanooga, and we were currently in Memphis.

"Jasper? Are you okay? That smile hasn't come off your face in an hour," Alice asked, laughing.

"Yeah. Just thinking," I said, and, strangely, I had an urge to kiss her, "Shit," I muttered as her eyes went blank, probably seeing that was my decision for split second.

"Language," she laughed, not taken aback at all by the vision. She walked, or danced, in better words, gracefully to me, taking my hands, pulling me up, and twirling, "Your eyes are changing, you know."

"They are?" I said, confused. I had made a habit years back of not looking at my reflection. I dropped her hands and walked into the bathroom. I stood in front of the sink and looked reluctantly at the mirror, cringing at my scarred face, but looked at my eyes. Sure enough, they weren't red anymore. They were a dark burnt orange. I didn't care for orange, but anything was better than the evil-looking red I was used to and hated so much.

"Don't worry, they'll turn gold over another month. They won't stay that way," Alice said, walking in.

"Good, I don't look particularly good with orange eyes. Well, there's not much to mess up," I said, shrugging. My scars marred my whole body and were usually the first thing other vampires noticed about me. All except Alice. I scolded myself for not being consistent with the animal blood, but control was so hard!

"You look fine. Your scars don't matter to me, Jazz," Alice said, looking up at me.

I knew I still panicked if there was too much physical contact, but I would have to get used to it. I slowly wrapped my arms around her, smiling because she didn't care what I looked like. She returned the embrace, hoping I wouldn't attack her. I wouldn't be able to make myself be so hostile. She rested her head against my chest, listening to my breathing. I had to say it now.

"I love you," I said quickly and quietly, so she had to strain to comprehend it. The words felt so foreign coming out of my mouth. I couldn't remember ever saying them in this life.

"Hmm?" Alice said, looking up at me with a smirk on her face. I new by her emotions that she understood me, that she just wanted me to have more confidence in saying it.

"I love you," I told her in a voice that even a human could understand.

"I know," she said. I began to get nervous. Knowing my luck it wasn't a reciprocated fee- "I love you, too," she said. Well, maybe I was having better luck.

Later that day, she was sitting on the bed, scanning the future, looking for the "Cullens". I was sitting in a chair, I was raised not to be on a bed with an unrelated woman unless she was my wife. I was always overprotective in the extreme when she was having visions, since she apparently couldn't see or hear what was going on around her.

"Nothing," she said, coming back to the present.

"It's alright, they'll show up. Alice, I know so little about your past. Why don't you tell me?" I asked, wondering if there was a reason behind it.

"It's because I don't even know most of it. I don't remember a thing from my human life. I have no clue what my family was like, friends, having a heartbeat, food. It's all black, and I figure there's good reason for it," she said, getting off the bed and walking over to me. I held my arms out, inviting her to sit on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, holding her close to me.

"I'd say you're lucky. I remember my family, too well. I remember the change so vividly I can still feel echoes of the pain," I said, shuddering at the memory of the change.

"Pain?" Alice asked, her forehead creasing.

"Yes. You went through the same thing, but you don't remember it. The change burns like hell, it's not something you want to remember," I replied.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it brought me through even more hell, but it brought me to you. So, tell me about the Cullen family," I changed the subject.

"Alright, well the two leaders are husband and wife, Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle has straight blonde hair and is about twenty-three. Esme is twenty-six and has wavy, caramel colored hair. Now for the three younger ones. Edward looks seventeen and has reddish bronze hair. He's the lankiest vampire there. Emmett is huge, he is heavily muscled, but such a clown. He has dark brown, curly hair. You will pose as Rosalie's twin. She is so gorgeous. She has long golden hair a little bit lighter than yours. She is tall, about five-foot-nine," Alice said smiling at me as she put her head on my shoulder.

"She sounds alright," I said, shrugging, "I don't like blondes all that much. Tall women don't really suit my taste either. I like either auburn or black hair and petite," I said, smirking.

Her eyes went blank, "You're not lying. I don't see you having any interest in her," she spaced out again, then came back with a gasp, giggling.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing," she replied, smirking and relaxing again.

"I've never felt love aside from now. It's amazing," I commented.

"I have, since I was changed and I saw you. That's all, though. And yes, it is amazing," Alice said cuddling closer to my chest, her head on my shoulder.

I nodded, looking at the clock. It was almost eight. My throat was burning and I needed to hunt. Alice saw this and got up, taking my hand and leading us out of the room. We checked out of the hotel. It drove me insane how, no matter how much I drank, animal blood never fully satisfied me. We ran out of the city and into the woods. The bad thing about Memphis was that large game were in extremely short supply. We would have to settle for smaller.

I managed to find a raccoon. It didn't smell very appetizing, but what animals did? I was used to hunting much larger animals by now. I lunged at the raccoon, grabbing it and ending up with my face in the dirt. I quickly bit it and drained it. The moment I tasted its blood I wanted to spit it out. It was bitter and to small to be worth it. Never again. As I stood up, trying to fight the urge to throw up that I knew was all in my head, I shook my head, getting most of the dirt and leaves out of my hair. I looked at Alice, who was against a tree biting her lip and trembling, trying not to crack up into hysterics.

"What's so funny?" I asked, about to use my shirt to wipe the dirt off my face.

"No!" She shrieked, "Don't mess up your shirt!"

"Why not? It's already got mud on it. And I have other shirts, thanks to you," I said, shrugging and not seeing the issue.

"Ugh! Fine! Just wear that outfit on hunting trips from now on until they wear out," she groaned, shaking her head. She cared much more about being presentable than I did.

"Alright, alright. Now what was so funny?" I asked, laughing.

"I've never seen a vampire do a face-plant. You dented the ground, Jazz!" She said as she started laughing.

I looked back, and sure enough, there was a dent in the ground, "Wow. I thought vampires were supposed to be graceful."

"Fail!" Alice laughed, running off.

I followed, and we came to the Mississippi River. We easily jumped it, running northwest into Arkansas. The autumn air was blowing leaves around us, and Alice, being adorably childlike, was catching as many as she could. She danced through them, gracefully snatching them out of the air. I smiled at her. She was beyond words, and she was really mine. I caught up to her, and she stilled, releasing the leaves in her hands at just the right moment. They swirled around us, and she watched with enthusiasm. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, it couldn't have been more than seventeen inches. I took one of her hands and held it up for her to twirl again.

Before she could see it, I leaned in and kissed her gently for the first time, our hands entwined in one another's. If I had had the option, this is how I would've kissed Maria, but I had no voice in that relation. I wouldn't dare say relationship, for neither of us felt anything more than lust. Alice kissed back earnestly, and I felt her smile. I pulled away, releasing her hands.

"Didn't see that coming," she said, smiling up at me.

"That was the point. I apologize, but I have to say it. Damn, you're short," I said, smiling back.

"I am not!" She scowled playfully, trying to look indignant, "You're just tall!"

"Or, maybe both," I suggested, smiling again.

We just laughed and headed south for Louisiana. We had already been through Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Florida, and now Tennessee. I learned to travel at a relaxed pace, so different from how I traveled with Maria. In an hour and a half, we would arrive in New Orleans.

**Jasper: Why are you talking in a British accent?**

**Me: Oi, govnah! I don't know! I'm bored! [bumps broken arm] Ow!!! Bloody hell!**

**Jasper: Did you learn your lesson? Vampires are exponentially stronger than you.**

**Me: Grr... Shut up. She has you so whipped!**

**Jasper: Does not!**

**Me: Does, too! When was the last time you said no to her?**

**Jasper: A few years ago when she wanted another credit card when all the other ones were maxed out.**

**Me: WHAT THE [word too colorful to be t-rated]!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? How many did she have?**

**Jasper: Ten.**

**Me: You said that like its okay!**

**Jasper: Well the bill got paid on time and without much pain on the pocketbook.**

**Me: Lucky.**

**Jasper: I think you have a cursing problem.**

**Me: I do not have a [beep]ing cursing problem!**

**Jasper: I'll just shut up. [scans chapter] you just had to put it in there that i think women with auburn hair are beautiful, didn't you?**

**Me: Yesss!! [pats auburn hair]**

**Jasper: Ugh! I have Always by Saliva stuck in my head.**

**Me: I love that song!!!! Gosh, we're chatty today!**

**Jasper: Yeah, well we'll continue talking at the end of the next chapter. Bye.**


	10. New Orleans

**Yay! Another chapter for you!! Two day's before Christmas! I'll try to get the 11th chapter up on Christmas Day, just for you guys! How about a Christmas present for me? Hmm... I have an idea of what you guys could do... REVIEW!!! Please. PLease. PLEase. PLEAse!!!! PLEASe!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I'm begging. **

I couldn't help myself, I was so happy now. It was surreal, actually. Maybe I had actually fallen asleep for the first time in over a hundred years. My hand was still in Alice's as we wandered down the streets of the French Quarter in New Orleans, Louisiana. I was in serious pain, but I didn't want Alice roaming around on her own. Every person we passed was making the burn in my throat get hotter, and I had to fight the urge to rip their throats out and drink their warm, sweet blo-

"Jasper, do you need to go back to the hotel?" She asked, jerking me away from a person I was about to attack.

"No. I'm alright for now," I lied. I wanted her to see what she wanted to see.

"If you say so," she said as she walked into a shop to look around.

I held my breath and tried to compose my face. I felt Alice tighten her grip on my hand. She was getting nervous. There was only one human in the store, and the streets weren't crowded at all. I had hunted not too long ago today, but my thirst was once again brought to the surface by the smell of human blood. I couldn't even distract myself by looking at the merchandise of the store because it had human scent on it.

In less than a blink of an eye, I lost it. I couldn't control what I was doing at all. Alice didn't have near enough time to stop me from attacking the woman behind the register. I lunged over the counter and sank my teeth into human flesh for the first time in a month. The sweet, warm blood that I quickly drank was so satisfying. I kept biting deeper, for the blood I needed couldn't come out fast enough. I snapped the woman's neck, knowing I'd let her live too long and that her emotions would haunt me. Damn it. I heard Alice yelling my name, but I was too entranced in the sweet blood to care.

"Jasper! Jasper, stop! Stop!" Alice commanded firmly, pulling on me. I could only snarl and tense over the woman as I finished her off. I jerked away from the woman, her emotions sinking in. the shock, terror, awe, and anger were so familiar. I hated them.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I tried. I tried to control it," I said unable to make myself look at anything but the floor. It felt as if someone had stabbed my dead heart with a hot iron. I felt Alice's disappointment and sadness creep over me, along with my own guilt.

"Jasper, I know. You're alright," I heard her soprano voice say as she put her arms around me.

"No, Alice, I'm not. Sometimes I wonder if you're too good too me. I love you, Alice, but you need someone that's good for you. That someone, unfortunately isn't me," I said as I turned and ran as fast as I could out of the store. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't disappoint Alice any more than I already had.

I found a tree in an isolated, swampy region with no people. In its branches, I glared down at nothing in particular. I couldn't believe I screwed up again. Self control was the hardest thing I'd ever tried to accomplish. I was used to catching on to things easily, and this never ceased to amaze me. I was angry at myself. I grabbed onto a bough as thick as my arm. I squeezed and felt the branch crumple in my hand, splinters falling into the shallow, muddy water below. An hour later I heard a voice.

"Jasper, talk to me. Please," the voice said softly from the ground.

I couldn't make myself respond, but I let out a pained sigh and closed my eyes. I heard the water splash and felt something land on a low branch of the tree. I knew it was Alice. I felt her climb onto the branch right beside mine.

"Jazz, you've only killed five people in the past six months. That's pretty good. Switching lifestyles is hard. I know you disappoint yourself every time you kill someone, but you're getting better. I know you'll get better, I've seen it. I love you, Jasper. Talk to me," she pleaded, touching my shoulder and letting her unconditional love, compassion, and sadness flow to me.

"Thank you, Alice. I love you, too. My eyes are red again, aren't they?" I asked her, knowing the answer.

"Yes. Why did you stay with me when your throat was burning that badly?" Alice asked.

"Because I didn't want you to be alone," I replied, looking at her for the first time since she had climbed into the tree.

"Jasper, I would've come back to the hotel with you. Promise me that if you feel like you might lose control, you'll tell me from now on. By the time I see that you're going to attack someone, it'll be too late," Alice said, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

"I promise," I said as I pulled her gently onto my lap.

"Thank you, Jazz," she said, looking up into my eyes, which were red. Again. I wished I had learned of this lifestyle earlier. Maybe it would've been easier for me.

"Anything for you, Alice," I replied honestly, trying to soften the look of my eyes, communicating the difficulty of this life to her.

She responded by sympathetically lowering her eyes, then looking back up at me with liquid honey eyes. It was as if she were saying something to the effect of, "I know this is hard for you, but I'll help you through it."

I lifted the corners of my mouth, my eyes transferring gratefulness to her, along with my ability backing it up. My expression clearly said, "Thank you."

She smiled widely now, entertained by this silent conversation. We barely needed words. I couldn't help smiling back at this perfect angel. She apparently picked up on that thought because she lifted an eyebrow.

"I'm far from perfect," she said out loud.

"I know, you can read my mind," I said.

"That's a bad thing?" She asked, giggling.

"Not all the time," I said, smiling, "You seeing the future just ruins surprises, that's all."

"Well, you surprised me earlier, in a bad way. But it happens. And you surprised me when you kissed me," she said, taking my hand as she jumped out of the tree. I laughed when I noticed her shoes were in her free hand.

"So, you have trouble seeing snap decisions?" I asked, smirking.

"Maybe," she replied, dancing near me. She was smirking with me.

When we got back to the hotel, she dug through her purse. She knew that red, or even orange eyes would attract attention. She always kept a few pairs of contacts with her for these situations. I hated being a liability to her, but she wasn't taken aback by it in the least.

"Alice, is the body taken care of?" I asked, looking down at the floor guiltily.

"Don't worry, it's all taken care of, Jazz. There's no evidence," she paused, glanced at me, then giggled as she walked over to me, "Except for the blood on your face."

I got up, walking into the bathroom to wash my face. I intentionally kept my eyes off of the mirror, knowing I wouldn't like the reflection of the monster waiting for me to look up. I sighed as I walked back out into the bedroom, where Alice was sitting on the bed, scanning the future by the look in her eyes.

"See anything interesting?" I asked, sitting in the chair beside the bed, watching her focus on something far away.

"I see you and Emmett play fighting," she said, laughing lightly.

"And?" I asked, eager to hear who wins.

"You win every time. Emmett's stronger, but you have the speed and experience. You and Edward could fight for years without a winner," she added, smirking. Pride radiated from her.

Damn impulses. I couldn't help myself. I closed the space between us and kissed her, taking her off guard again. She caught on quickly, and within one hundredth of a second she was kissing me back. I kept it chaste, not wanting to move too fast. When I pulled away, she giggled.

"That was really random," she said.

"I know. Sorry. Random impulse," I said, looking away as she laughed harder.

"Don't be. It's one of the few times you're ever going to surprise me," she said, smiling, "So, you've actually seen the Volturi?"

"Yes. And, unfortunately, they weren't happy at the time. They only come to clean out the vampires that expose themselves," I replied grimly, grimacing at the memory.

"Oh. That's terrible," Alice said, putting her hand on mine, distracting me from my grisly memories that I didn't ever want to return to.

"Yeah. So, where do you want to see next? I think New Orleans is about ready to kick us out," I laughed dryly, thinking of the store clerk and wincing visibly. I hated that Alice had to see my monstrous side.

"How about Dallas? I want to see where you grew up, though I'm certain that it's changed dramatically," she suggested.

"Sure. I have some things to see there, too," I agreed, "We'll leave tomorrow." "Alright. What do you want to do while we're there?"

"Pay respects to a few friends of mine. I think they're buried there. I want to see my bodiless grave, see what they think happened to me," I said, thinking of my family that I changed. Would they have graves there as well?

"Oh. That's understandable. Hey, Memorial Day is coming up, too. And the fair! We could go and see everything there is to see! And-" she stopped when my eyes widened when she said "fair". She suddenly focused on the future, then grimaced, "Okay, not the fair. Too many people. I'll have trouble with control, too. Don't feel bad, Jazz."

"Thanks. It helps to know that control isn't easy for you, either," I murmured.

"It's not easy for anyone, Jasper. Not even Carlisle. He had to work extremely hard to be able to be a doctor," Alice soothed.

We talked idly through the rest of the night and into the cloudy morning. Then, near noon, we left for Texas, my home state.

**Jasper: [steals my guitar and starts playing]**

**Me: Hey! I know that song!**

**Jasper: I know you do. That's why I'm playing it.**

**Me: Savin' Me by Nickelback. I love that song!**

**Jasper: I know. You steal my ipod on a daily basis! It's bad enough that you changed my ringtone on my phone to Cuppycake!**

**Me: [Laughs] That was funny. [takes ipod out of Jasper's pocket]**

**Jasper: I swear you need your own ipod.**

**Me: I know. Mom might be getting me one for Christmas.**

**Jasper: Thank you, God! I'm sorry I ever doubted your existence.**

**Me: Jazz, did you ever confess all that you did?**

**Jasper: Unofficially. Carlisle was kind of a pastor, I guess.**

**Me: Good, well I got to go before-**

**Alice: Chloe! I saw that!**

**[I scream]**


	11. Dallas

**Hey people! I'm sorry this one took so long to get up! I had a serious case of writers block, so if this chapter sucks, sorry. I'm a little rusty on Spanish, so I used a translator for both French and Spanish. I need ideas for chapters!!!! If you have one for me, leave it in a review, PM, whatever. Thanks!**

"Jasper, you said you were born and raised in Texas, right?" Alice asked as we walked through trees in Baton Rouge.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked, confused by the sudden question.

"I just noticed that you don't have much of an accent. Most people from Texas have much stronger accents than you do," she replied.

"It's because I haven't spent much time in Texas since my human life. If anything, I'd expect to have a Spanish accent since I've been speaking it since Maria began to take over Mexico," I said, laughing grimly. I definitely wasn't nostalgic for those times.

"Wow, so I take it you're very fluent in it?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Si, hermosa dama," I replied without thinking, "¿Hablas español?"

She shook her head, then replied, "Je sais mieux parler français."

"I didn't catch any of that," I said, completely confused.

"I said 'I'm better at speaking French'," she said, smiling at me, "Maria es una perra."

I couldn't help laughing. She did know some Spanish. Enough to call Maria an ugly name, "It wouldn't be chivalrous of me to redeem that… even if it's true," I said despondently, yet somehow still laughing, feeling the amusement emanating from the little pixie walking beside me.

"Well, who said you needed to be chivalrous when it comes to her?" Alice laughed, nudging me.

Damn instincts again, I snarled at her sudden movement and jolted back. My face immediately softened with an apologetic look in my eyes. She tilted her head slightly to one side, softening her expression even more into one that eagerly forgave me.

"That ruins every God-forsaken conversations," I snarled, mostly to myself.

"You're working on it," Alice replied, putting a tiny hand on my chest, rising onto her tiptoes to look me in the eyes.

"Not getting much of anywhere though," I muttered, averting my blood red eyes from this perfect angel's perfect golden ones.

"You are, Jazz," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck, "You only notice you're flaws, reasons I shouldn't bother. You can find a million when I can only find one."

"And what is that?" I asked, preparing for the blow of her words.

"You have next to no faith in yourself," she said, running her fingers through my hair, tracing the scars on my neck, making me shiver.

"I-" I started, but she kissed me before I could respond.

She barely pulled away before whispering into my lips, "See? You would have attacked me if I had done that a month ago."

She really was right. I had no faith in my ability to control myself. Maybe, just maybe, if I believed I could, I really would. I kissed her lightly, "Thank you, Alice."

"Welcome, Jazz," she whispered back, sinking back down onto her feet, bringing her hands to my chest.

How could she find me so attractive? Sure, I was well-built, but I was badly battle scarred and had crimson eyes, nowhere near as admirable as her liquid gold ones. I forced the thoughts out of my head as she took my hand and started walking.

After a few more days of lazy traveling, we reached Dallas, Texas, my home town. It had changed so much since my childhood! I looked around at the buildings illuminated in the night, marveling at them. I walked to the cemetery dedicated to the Civil War, hand-in-hand with Alice. It happened to be Memorial Day, so the graves were decorated with flowers and flags. We were silent as we ambled through, finally finding the grave of Nathaniel, my best friend in my human life. I kneeled down and, for the first time since I was changed, I prayed. It felt strange, but pleasant, to feel my soul lift as I silently talked to God, praying for my friend. When I rose, Alice smiled, then took my hand again.

After another hour, I found a grave with a confederate flag and roses. A blonde girl was standing by the grave, and I assumed she was the one who set the roses there. I walked up to the grave, reading the name carved into it.

Maj. Jasper Whitlock.

Alice gasped upon reading my name, and a took a little start, too. The girl looked up at me… with our signature eyes. Light blue with chocolate brown around the pupil. My eyes widened, but I composed myself before she noticed.

"You're related to him." It wasn't a question when it left my mouth.

"Yes, distantly," she replied, smirking my mother's trademark crooked smile, and I did the same, trying not to inhale her scent.

"I'm related to him, too. He's my quite a few times great uncle, actually," I lied smoothly.

"Awful pale, aren't you?"

"Gift from my dad. Same with the eyes. You look a lot like he did, tan skin, your eyes, and your smile," I remarked.

"How do you know what he looked like?" She asked, tossing her fair curls and straightening a little, as if I offended her, though her emotions were questioning my sanity.

I reached into my back pocket, and pulled my wallet out. I carefully slid out the black and white picture of a few of my friends and I just goofing around in out uniforms. Nathaniel had reached behind my head to smack the back of Mark's head, I had an arm around Nathaniel and Joey's shoulders. Mark was glaring at Nathaniel, and Joey had the strangest look on his face because a June bug had landed smack on the middle of his brow.

"Here's a picture of him with a few of his friends when he was about seventeen," I said, laughing at the memories.

Her eyes widened as she looked at the picture, then looked at me, lust hinting in her emotions, "He was hot as hell! And you're a spitting-freaking-image of him!"

"I get that a lot," I said, finding my family's graves, "Lynn Whitlock is my times something great grandma, Matthew my grandfather, Anna my Aunt, and I'm Daniel's direct descendant," I lied.

"Wow," the girl muttered, "So, what's your name?"

"Jasper Whitlock," I said, and her brow furrowed again slightly, as if she were figuring me out.

"You are him!" She said suddenly, "You're his ghost! The picture, the resemblance, the paleness, and…" she stepped closer, peering into my eyes, then clapped her hand over her mouth as her fear pierced me, "The red eyes!"

"Stop being ridiculous!" I said defensively, but I jerked back too fast when she put a hand on my cold skin.

"I'm not stupid, I'm not telling anyone," she assured, her voice trembling as she ran off, her tan face now paper-white.

I turned back to Alice, who shrugged, smirking slightly. I looked at my grave, which was now decorated with a wreath of roses hung on the cross of my grave, and the bouquet was gone.

"You made that?" I asked, astounded.

"While you were distracted. I couldn't just let them sit there so plainly," Alice giggled, taking my hands.

"Wow. We better get a hotel room soon, or we'll get caught in the sun. It's already four, and the sun will rise at six-ish," I said, walking to the road, with her hand in mine.

We spent a month waiting for the fair to get here, checking in and out of different hotels after a week of being there. My eyes were almost golden again, for which I was extremely faithful. At night, Alice and I walked around the fair grounds, riding any rides that Alice felt like riding at the moment. I scarcely breathed, not wanting to take any lives. In Dallas, the fair wasn't by any means a small event. After another week, the fair ended. Alice and I had just gotten back to our hotel room, when she dropped her new purse, which I caught before it hit the floor.

It was another vision. And she paid undivided attention to this one. That couldn't be good. Her eyes finally refocused, and she didn't look at me, but headed straight for the door, snarling.

"Alice, what's wrong? Alice? What are you mad at?" I asked, wondering what I did, or would do.

"Not you," she growled, actually sounding scary, flinging the door open.

Immediately I saw it. Alice's gold eyes met a pair of crimson ones, framed with long black curls. Maria. I flitted over to Alice, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"What do you want, Maria?" I asked severely, spitting her name.

"Just heard that you were in the area," she shrugged, lowering her eyelids, "So, what's the midget doing here?"

"You bitch! You have no right to insult me! You messed him up so bad! I ought to rip your throat out!" Alice ranted, snarling and about to lunge at her.

"Ali, it's alright. Calm down," I said gently, wrapping my arms around her securely.

A pang of nostalgia hit me, and my head jerked up to look Maria dead in the face.

"What?" She fired at me.

"I can feel that," I growled, as she didn't know anything about my ability to sense the lust, nostalgia, and hate emanating from her slight frame.

"Feel what?" She snapped again, straightening.

"Your emotions. No only you, but everyone," I retorted, not liking her tone.

She just scrutinized me, not knowing how to respond, "So, who is she?"

"Alice, my love," I threw the last words in to hopefully make her cut off the lust.

It seemed to have the opposite effect, as a felt jealousy and more lust shoot from her in bitter waves, "I see," she finally spat.

Alice snarled and struggled in my firm, yet gentle grasp. I sent her waves of calm, and she leaned into me, allowing me to loosen my grasp.

"What's wrong with her eyes? And yours, for that matter," Maria asked, her emotions changing to curiosity.

"We don't kill people. We hunt animals," I said proudly, meeting her gaze.

"Sounds stupid," she remarked, grimacing.

I'd had enough of her. I noticed envy coming from Alice as she took in Maria's beauty, though it was nothing compared to her.

"Maria, leave," I almost growled, "Now!" I snapped, slamming the door in her face. I didn't normally have a bad temper, but Maria struck a nerve by hurting Alice.

"She's gorgeous, Jazz. There's no way I could ever match it," Alice said miserably.

"Alice, you're a million times a million times more beautiful than she is. She's just a stupid whore that I have the misfortune of having a past physical relation with. I never wanted her, any of her, and you know that. I want to be with you, only you. Forever," I reassured, when I remembered what was in my pocket, "Will you marry me?" I asked, pulling a ring out that Maria had wanted, then discarded for an unknown reason. It was a beautiful, expensive looking diamond ring.

"Oh, God, Jazz," she whispered.

I took that as a no, getting up off my knee, but Alice kissed me the moment I reached her level, "Yes," she whispered happily into my lips as she hugged me.

"You scared me there for a second. I thought you were going to say no," I said, relieved.

"Well, I love you. I saw it happening, but the snap decision took me off guard," she said, kissing me again.

This was a different kiss. Her emotions combined with the intensity of the kiss as she coaxed my mouth open. Being gentle with her came so easily to me. She caressed the muscles in my arms and neck, running her fingers over every exposed scar. I hated how this triggered every human instinct left in me. I had to fight my masculine urges, as it was probably not her intention. That went down the drain when she pressed herself closer, starting to undo my shirt's buttons.

That's when the self-consciousness kicked in. She had never seen the majority of my scars, which were on my chest, stomach, back, and legs. My hand stopped hers, I broke the kiss, looking away.

"Something wrong, Jazz?" She asked, concern flowing from her.

"Scars," I muttered.

"You know I know they're there, Jazz. They won't bother me. I love you, and that's all that will ever matter," she said, kissing me lightly again.

She wasn't lying, her emotions backed up every word that left her mouth. I kissed her back, laying her on the bed, letting one thing lead to the next. I had to ask before I went any further, though.

"Alice, are you a-" I started, but she cut me off.

"No. I saw our first time, and I wasn't a virgin. You don't need to ask," Alice told me.

I was happy for that, I didn't want to hurt her. One thing continued after another, and I'm pretty sure you can guess how the night turned out.

**Me: I'm bored...**

**Jasper: I bet you are.**

**Me: Uh huh. No one's providing me with reviews to read! *sobs***

**Jasper: I'm sure they'll review soon. **

**Me: WASH YOUR HANDS OFTEN, COUGH AND SNEEZE INTO YOUR SLEEVE, AND STAY HOME WHEN YOU'RE ILL!!!! INFLUENZA KILLS!!!!!**

**Jasper: Where did that come from?**

**Me: I really don't know. Haha! You got laid!**

**Jasper: And that's a bad thing?**

**Me: No. Hehe. Bye guys!**


End file.
